The following is adapted from a handout I wrote for a workshop I gave tween girls many years ago on the beauty of femininity. I'm sharing it in response to requests for a modesty guidelines. You will find three standards of dress compared in this post.
Dress as a Gift
Women are called to be beautiful in our manners, speech, and dress. It is naïve to think that our dress does not matter. How we dress communicates something to others.
Revealing clothing is a gift to our husbands in the privacy of our bedrooms – a gift that is reserved for their eyes only because they have promised by their marriage vows to treasure the woman inside, and to transform her body into a fruitful source of life.
But to the world outside sensual dress says that a woman does not value the treasure within, more precious than gold. Sadly, a woman dressed in revealing clothing throws ‘her pearls before swine.’ Instead of gifting others, with her provocative dress she preys upon the weakness of men, even if unintentionally, while making the ladies blush for her.
How many young girls there are who do not see any wrongdoing in following certain shameless styles like so many sheep. They certainly would blush if they could guess the impression they make and the feeling they evoke in those who see them. Pope Pius XII
Religious women on the other hand express by their dress the fact that they belong to God and are not of this world. In a demonstrative way they have subordinated their outer beauty to their beautiful relationship with their heavenly Spouse. Men instinctively look at a religious woman differently, sensing that she is already claimed, because her dress tells them so.
While wearing a veil at church, or a skirt at the grocery store, women can remember that we are a sign to the world…like priests in their cassocks and nuns in their habits. It is pleasing to God, and even to the angels. (1 Cor. 11) No one is making anyone wear skirts in these times, but it can be our freely given gift to Christ and to the world, in an age when true femininity is under attack.
When choosing one’s own standard of modesty, women do well to remember that modesty is not a “black and white” standard that can be promulgated for all people in all circumstances. St. Thomas Aquinas says that to a certain extent modesty of dress is relative. Further, it is a virtuous mean. Not as it were a point on the line between two extremes, but rather a continuum between the extremes. Most women who do not have a religious vocation are called to adopt a standard that, while not being sensual, is not overly concealing, either. Still, we will want to respect the customs of devout Catholic communities, while avoiding fashions that are worldly.
Other circumstances we might consider when choosing what to wear for an activity include: where the activity takes place (such as in a church versus at home) and how formal the occasion (like a wedding versus private prayer time.)
The great pre-Christian philosopher Aristotle says that before we possess a virtue it is not possible to desire the virtuous mean on our own because our appetites are not formed correctly. Hence, he says the best way to find the virtuous mean is to imitate someone who already has the virtue we are striving for. If we wish to be modest we should imitate a woman who we believe dresses modestly, and thereby we will aquire the virtue ourselves.
Three Standards of Modesty
Here I lay out what may be considered three standards of modesty which fall on the continuum between the two extremes of immodesty: one of excess on the right, and of defect on the left.
| Retro | Traditional | Religious |
Skirt | Covers thigh to knees, slits end just above knee | Knees covered when sitting, slits end below knee | Three-quarter length |
Waist | Covers midriff | Covers midriff when bending over or reaching up | Covers midriff when bending over or reaching up |
Bodice | Fully covers bust and cleavage. Tank top acceptable | Fully covers bust and cleavage even when bending over. Covers entire back and shoulders | Less than two fingers breadth under the pit of the throat |
Sleeve | Sleeveless with snug armholes acceptable | Covers shoulders and underarms | Covers upper arm past elbow |
Pants | Acceptable for casual. Loose in rear | Acceptable for heavy work/play if skirt-cut or crotch covered by long tunic | No |
Shorts | Fully covers bottom when bending over. Snug leg-holes if short | Covers thigh to knee | No |
Swimsuit | One-piece with tank top and brief-style leg-holes | Loose swim-shorts or swim-skirt, and swim-shirt with sleeves | No |
Fit and Fabric | Fitted clothing acceptable but not tight. Sheer fabric over wide straps acceptable | Accentuates waist only. Loose, or flowing. Semi-sheer fabric over tank top acceptable | No knits. Opaque. Conceals the figure |
Make-up, Jewelry | May exaggerate nature. No unnatural hair or make-up colors, or tattoos. Ear piercing acceptable | Make-up may cover defects and assist nature. No hair dye | Religious jewelry items. No make-up |
The 'Retro' and the 'Religious' standards are similar to the Vatican Dress Code and the 'Marian Standard' of Modesty.
When conforming to a standard, consider what you wish to communicate by your dress, and how you may best please our Lord in your particular state of life.
Changing Your Habit: Practical Advice
Since it is unlikely that you will be able to replace an entire wardrobe in one shot, I suggest that if you would like to dress more modestly, you make changes gradually. You can begin by replacing the worst offenders in your wardrobe, and then when buying new clothes, be careful only to buy clothes that fit your new modesty standard.
Many clothes can be made modest by simple additions. If you are a seamstress, you can adjust your clothing, like adding on a lace border to a wide neckline. But even without sewing, you may discover your own hacks.
A snap-on cami (a.k.a. modesty panel) can be inserted into a plunging neckline.
A coordinated slip corrects a revealing slit (think: kick-pleat), and
leggings make a short dress more modest.
Pants can be covered by a tunic-length top or mini-dress, and
a bolero or shrug remedies a sleeveless top.
Boy shorts can be worn under skirts to prevent chafing and to provide more coverage.
Have fun being resourceful!
*Notes:
Vatican Dress Code for Touring Churches
Cover back and shoulders. No see-through clothing.
No sleeveless, or low-cut tops.
Knee-length or longer skirts, dresses, and shorts.
No ripped jeans, t-shirts, or offensive tattoos or symbols.
Sandals are acceptable, but flip-flops are not.
'Marian Standard' of Modesty
"We recall that a dress cannot be called decent which is cut deeper than two fingers breadth under the pit of the throat, which does not cover the arms at least to the elbow, and scarce reaches a bit below the knee. Furthermore, dresses made of transparent material are improper, as are also flesh-colored stockings which suggests the legs being bare."
This quote is apparently of the vicar general of the Diocese of Rome during the reign of Pope Pius XI, though this cardinal's name is never supplied. It is often mispresented as an official standard once promulgated by the Catholic Church. My research leads me to believe that it is based on a non-authoritative communication possibly regarding the religious habits of women. Nonetheless, the weight of this standard is in the fact that it is respected and adopted by some groups who embrace traditional Catholic culture.
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